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5 Reasons it’s Hard to Ask for Help

The first step towards living a life with more peace, joy, and purpose is becoming aware of the changes and improvements that are necessary.

The change could be something physical, like eating healthier, getting more fit or quitting smoking. The change could be financial, like getting out of debt, buying less stuff, or saving for retirement. The change could be to improve a relationship, with a partner, a job, a child, a parent or a friend. The change could be mental/emotional, like dealing with grief, stress, loneliness, or negative self-judgement.

Once the change has been recognized and named, the rubber has hit the road (but the wheels aren’t in motion yet).

The next step to change is acceptance. Acceptance of the current life circumstance and acceptance of responsibility for doing something about it. Contained within this step is admitting/accepting that we may need to ask for help in order to make the change/improvement. At some point, we all need support, guidance, education, and encouragement to live our best life.

But we seem to have collectively come to believe that we should be able to do everything on our own. DIY (do-it-yourself) and self-help are prevalent. Watch Youtube and you think it’s easy to build your own deck. Google any physical symptom and find advice to heal your ailment. Search on Amazon and you have access to thousands of books that outline the exact steps to happiness, wealth, or health.

As much as we’d like to think we can be completely self-sufficient and as great as it feels to fix something on our own, there comes a time when we realize that help is necessary or things will remain exactly as they are and we will continue to suffer.

As hard as it can be to accept and admit that we need help, it’s not usually the hardest part. The hardest part is most often the actual asking for help. There are some main obstacles that can make it really hard to reach out for help.


We can’t get the help we need and hide what we need help with at the same time. The change/growth process requires that we face our failures, shortcoming, mistakes, and losses. The shame and embarrassment of admitting these things to another person can hold us back.


It’s possible to be in so much pain that we cannot move. We are paralyzed, numb, almost without sense. So we do nothing but remain in our deep hurt.


Change and growth moves us into unknown territory and this can be scary. We may fear that we won’t get the help we’re seeking. We may fear that more change will be necessary when we get help. We may fear being judged by others.


Sometimes we can get so frustrated and angry with the situation we’re in, we project that frustration and anger towards anyone who could potentially help. Why don’t other people have the same problems? How do they make changes so easily? What’s the point? Why bother? The universe is against me.

Undervaluing Oneself

If we don’t value ourselves enough, it’s very hard to ask for help. We don’t feel worthy of someone else’s time or support. We’re unwilling to spend money to get the help that we need because we don’t see ourselves as worth the investment. We see other people’s needs as more important so we don’t tend to our own.

How do we overcome these barriers? How do we ask for help when shame, pain, fear, anger, or undervaluing oneself is blocking the path?

Remember one thing: we all need help and support from each other to find peace, joy and purpose in this life. We are human. As there will be times we need to ask for help, there will also be times we will be asked for help. Instead of rejecting or hiding our shame, pain, fear, anger, or undervaluation, the thing to do is step forward and accept and acknowledge whatever obstacles hinder all of us. Give up on perfection.  Let go of self-judgement. Be brave. Be vulnerable. Be human.


If you’re looking for help to feel more alignment between your authentic self and how you are living your life, I could be the support you need. My life coaching perspective is to see you as whole, creative and resourceful. By asking the right questions to explore your strenghts and wisdom, you will experience more peace, joy and purpose in your life. If you’re ready to begin your exploration contact me to set up a free consult.

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